Each of the over five hundred weddings I have performed has been special in its own way and I feel privileged to have taken part in every one. But I can't honestly say that all of them have been memorable. But here are just a few that were.

A young couple's wedding was to be in their loft in SoHo. They were artists. At the ceremony, one of their friends brought me the ring. This is not unusual. But this friend was dressed as a serpent, wearing a long, slinky, scaly, snake-like outfit. She carried an apple. She broke open the apple and the ring was inside!

A bride of Scottish lineage wanted to walk down the aisle to the tune of bagpipes. However, we forgot to consider that the ceremony was to be held in a church with a huge, vaulted sanctuary. As she walked toward me the bagpipe sounds bounced around and around, echoing and multiplying. I don't think it was her intent to recreate the Battle of Culloden, but that was something of the effect. Since then, I have cautioned all brides not to walk down the aisle to the sounds of any instruments designed to call troops to battle.

I have performed many weddings where the ceremony and the reception were held at the same site, and several where the DJ for the reception provided the music for the ceremony. One couple, however, had not gone over with the DJ exactly what music they wanted for the processional. Before we were to begin, I asked the DJ if he had any appropriate classical music for the processional and he assured me he did. A few moments later the bride walked down the aisle to the theme from "Star Wars." Always keep in mind that "classical music" has many definitions.

The moral of these stories is that the most memorable weddings are not necessarily the best. While each of the above were perfectly lovely couples, and their overall ceremonies were fine, there was one element that was so "memorable" as to obliterate all the other memories.

If your guests come away remembering first how humorous the minister was, the minister was too humorous. If they remember how expensive the bridal gown must have been, then the gown was too expensive. Likewise with all the many elements of this special day.

The key to a meaningful and gracious ceremony is proportion and harmony. This may mean forgoing some long-held, unique idea that has been part of your wedding dream. While I counsel couples against including elements that will stand out awkwardly, I am not always successful.

There is no accounting for taste. If you want to be married on the roller coaster at Coney Island, who is anyone to tell you differently. But if you want a wedding that is beautiful and elegant, you will seek to coordinate and balance the whole event, rather than holding on to a "special" element that might prove memorable, but in the wrong ways.